Life As I know It

      Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself, but my life and hospitals just seem to be permanently entwined. Lets see...Panic Attack... hospital, Heart procedure 1... hospital, heart procedure 2... hospital, extreme rib pain as a result of heart procedures...hospital (and no this chronic pain has never left my side, pun intended, since that day), seizure...hospital. And that brings me to today, return of symptoms that led up to my last seizure (minus the seizure thank the Good Lord)...hospital. And by hospital I mean overnight stays, I wouldn't count all the day trips.

      Now that this has been discovered to be a chronic condition, they are taking this much more proactively than the last time. Without getting too graphic I will outline how it went last time, which was 2 years ago. Started out with a whole lot of internal bleeding, pain in my abdomen, bouts of diarrhea and constipation, and migraines. I also had lower back pain with varying levels of severity, I couldn't stand or walk at times from the pain. This led into not being able to keep any food down at all, whether liquids or solid. Meals became torture. Eating a quarter of my normal amounts of food, just to solve a hunger my body told me was there, only to have my body reject the food it demanded. The answer was to eat extremely slow, which leads to cold and disgusting food, and bland unseasoned food (which for someone who loves to season his food and have flavourful food, this really is torture). Even then it was a battle to keep my food down. which ultimately led to dehydration and drop in potassium levels. I ended up having my first seizure and after many tests they came up scratching their heads and leaving me with no answers, which was frustrating considering it took me off work for 3 months. Co-operators, curse their souls, would not give me a penny due to it being a "mysterious illness", they required a "diagnosis" in order to give any money. So I went back to work before ready just to get the funds flowing again. eventually just cleared up on its own, and life went on with no answers. Left me 15 pounds lighter, which took me a long time to regain. 

     A few weeks back it began to flare up once again. Abdominal pain, diarrhea, constipation, migraines(but they never did stop), slight internal bleeding, and lower back pain. After seeing the doctor, she sent me to see a "specialist". He wanted to wait a few weeks before doing any tests, and didn't really listen when I was in to see him. Then the vomiting and nausea began again. Back to tiny bland meals. Have gone from 145 pounds down to 140 pounds again. I told my family doctor this today and she told me I was going into the hospital, as answers come faster while in there, and she does not want another seizure. Understood, but during the most busy selling season at work, this comes as really tough. 

     While here though, the nurses have been really nice, but keep trying to diagnose what I have, which is just confusing things. I wish they would leave that for the doctors who are trained in such matters. They have put me on a fluids only diet, which sucks as I am starving! But alas I wait to hear from them in regards to what is going on. My Family Doctor has 3 suspects, Chrone's is her number 1, colitis, and very minimal chance of colon cancer. Hopefully God will provide them with speedy answers and results so that I can get back to being at home with my family. As well as return to work so I can do what I enjoy, selling. 

Touching Story

It has been forever since I last posted anything on here, but today something happened that I have to share. This post will be quite a bit different from my usual posts.

This week I am in a hotel in Calgary for an HR training session, and I have been eating my meals at the hotel's restaurant. During supper, a couple was sitting 2 tables over from me, and was not exactly the quietest in their conversation. I must say I normally try not to listen to people's conversations, but this conversation intrigued me. Here is what that conversation entailed...

Here sits a man in his late fifties, and woman around the same age. They sit awaiting their food. It is clear that this is not there first date, but they are definitely still in the get-to-know-you stage of the relationship, (later in the convo I find out it is a second unofficial date). Since their last date he has found out the news every North American dreads, he has been diagnosed with cancer. She is carrying on about how giddy she is about him and how she couldn't sleep just thinking about him. He then stops her and gives her the news, which he thinks will be a shock to her. She doesn't seem off guard or anything, just says that she would like the opportunity to stand by him in his struggle. He then informs her that he can't continue to have a relationship with her, due to his cancer and his upcoming treatments, He won't put anyone through that. It has nothing to do with her, just his treatments.

Her response is to be extremely understanding and tell him that she understands. She wants him to at least allow her to be there for him as a friend. To text him and ask how he is doing, and to be there for him after each dose of Chemo. Now at this point I am picturing in my head how it ate away ate my grandpa, and slowly took away every once of what he once was. I can understand why no one would want to put anyone through that, and I am not sure if she realizes just what she is asking of him, but if she does then that truly says how precious her personality is. Not sure that I would ever want anyone around during treatments if I should end up down that road, but I do know I would need more support than I could give myself.

She refuses to take no for an answer and he seems to give in, meaning he really does want the support, just feels bad putting someone through that. He then tries to change the subject and ask about her life, which being a man I understand his desire to not focus on himself, but to have the attention brought onto someone else. She is not having that either. She tells him her issues are not life threatening, nor are they important, his are. She wants him to talk about it. He responds with it being the kind of thing for relationships. A correction is given though, Saying that this is the kind of things friends do for one another, she doesn't have any friends, but if she did that is the kind of thing she would want out of a friendship. He gives in by giving consent to her being there for him, just not as a couple. At this point these people are breaking my heart.

What I want to do is to just go over and sit down with them, excuse myself for listening in, but I can't really help hearing, though I could have tried more. I want to shake him, but not too hard as I have no idea where his cancer is, and tell him to screw his cancer, just date the woman already! And just darnwell kiss her! Of course I am far to timid for that kind of thing, and would need a lot of alcohol, not unlike Raj off of Big Bang Theory, in order to have the confidence for that. I was really tempted to pay for their meal though, and my wife texted me that she felt I should write them an anonymous note, but again, I can't really bring myself to inform them their private moment was overheard.

They finish eating at the same time I do, As she is leaving she tells him that she wanted him to know that she really enjoyed talking with him, and that she thinks he is a wonderful man. I got the feeling that these 2 are just a couple of genuine, kind-hearted individuals. I can't help but say a little prayer for them. I pray that he makes it through the treatments, defeats the cancer, and that he allows her to stand by him throughout that time. And that it all works into them being an official couple. I know, call me a sappy romantic, little does anyone know that I have cried during my wife's chick-flicks (well now I guess everyone knows). I ask that you all pray the same! And God please forgive my eavesdropping!!!!!!! No lightning please. Remember I have 2 precious children who need a father.

O Lord, Thy sovereign grace endures, arms open wide
Suffering shapes this world, Satan's warped humour
Who are we to judge you God for allowing such pain
But Mercy Divine, take this beast and thrust it down
Destroy its very being, and make it bow at Your feet!
Only You in all Your wisdom can make this be so
Cancer be gone, set this world free from your grips!
You have touched every soul, saddened all hearts
Satan be gone, spare the world your fiendish snares!
You have destroyed what is good, torched all souls!
Jesus Take the saddle!
Ride Your White Horse among us!
Let Your Grace wash over us
Turn our black hearts to white!


Tony Peters