Life Throws You Curve Balls... Catch Them and Throw Them Back

Life Throws You Curve Balls... Catch Them and Throw Them Back

A different kind of post from me today, a very personal one. I am not posting any of this to garner sympathy. I just hope it helps others, and want everyone to feel free to be open with me, or someone else you feel comfortable with. Be brave enough to get help and admit you cannot heal on your own. All of us, throughout our life, deal with trials and tribulations of differing natures, how we deal and cope with them is the important factor in recovery. Some deal with issues in negative ways, whether alcohol, drugs, gambling, anger, pornography, all addictions really, or through self-harm, depression, or even through suicide. What we need to find is a positive outlet for dealing with these issues, Whether it is religion, family, sports, writing, singing, music, or many other methods of finding peace.
Before I get into sharing a VERY condensed version of my own tribulations I will explain how I have dealt with my issues, both the negative and the positive. For many years I dealt with all the crap in my life in negative outlets, as many get trapped into. I believed I was worthless, spun into extreme depression at too many points in my life, went through many periods of self-harm, and attempted/considered suicide numerous times. I have always sabotaged personal relationships, kept everyone at arms-length, and been afraid to let anyone get close to me, which was my brain's way of "protecting" myself from letting those around me hurt me further. Really all of these things just created a chain of pain and agony, further harming myself, in the devil's way of making me feel trapped and alone, which still haunts my life to this day, lacking very many close personal friends.
What I needed to be doing and have been slowly learning to do, is to find positive outlets. Writing has always been a strong outlet, able to confidently say/share what I cannot say out loud. Finding it within myself to allow the woman I now am blessed to call my wife, into my life, is one of the most important things I could have done. This was extremely difficult for me and took a long time to follow through, something I still struggle with today, not being as open as I should. Photography has become an outlet as well for me. Finally admitting I needed help and getting that help through counselors, a psychiatrist, and medication has also been a HUGE help. The biggest thing for me has always been my faith in Christ. Even when I felt at my worst, I always knew God was there with me, carrying me through it all. Philippians 4:12-13 has been a great verse for me in life, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."
I will not get into great detail, as I do not want to hurt and cast guilt upon anyone. My health has always been a struggle, and continues to be to this day. I have always gotten sick really easily and still do. Acid re-flux has been with me for decades and has developed into the IBS that I have today, which makes finding the right things to eat a constant struggle, creating a great deal of agony. I also had Osgood's Disease in my knees, which is when the bones in your knee micro-fracture when a person does sports, preventing me from participating in the sports I enjoyed in school. I also developed a heart condition in my late teens, which required 2 procedures to fix, thankfully this has been resolved. A result of this is the chronic pain I get in my ribs daily, but at times it gets unbearable, feeling like someone is taking a bat to your rib cage, and we seem to be at a loss for what to do about it. As well as anxiety-attacks that I battle daily.
Aside from my many health conditions, I dealt with divorce as a child and many feelings of abandonment. To top that off I was molested twice by the age of seven, which is what led to many of my self-harm tendencies and the fear of letting anyone into my life. Touch is something I really struggle with, I don't like/feel comfortable with people touching me, and cringe internally with every contact. A brief summary is all these require, but they led to many suicidal thoughts and one attempt that I will bring up is one that changed my life. At one point I had written a note and was going to drive a knife into my chest, and many may think this is ridiculous, but I can't change the truth. MY arms began to shake as I felt extreme pressure on my arms, like something was holding my arms back. Battling the pressure, a voice popped into my head asking me what I was doing and reassuring me that He loved me. Collapsing to the floor, I just broke down and bawled. I realized that God had plans for my life, and decided at that moment to take my parents up on their offer to pay for Bible school. I believe this was God and an angel preventing me from destroying the temple he had given me. The photo below I took in Stanley Park, Vancouver. It reminds me of the beauty God has created to show us the wonder and peace we can have in our lives, if we give Him control. 

I also am quite OCD about organization and messes, something my children have gladly helped me work my way past. I still get OCD about being dry, I HATE to get wet and the feeling of my skin being damp.
Again this is a very condensed version of all events, but I want others to take comfort in the fact that there is hope. Pain is only momentary, whether emotional, or physical. Our perspective changes the way we choose to shape our lives. Accepting our past, and facing our troubles head on, drives us to claiming back our lives. The pain will always be there, deep within our bodies and minds, but learning how to control this pain and wield it for the better, is the only way to bring about peace in our lives. I have found faith in my Savior to bring about peace, I would encourage all to find a positive way to release your pain, and be constructive, instead of destructive.
With that I bid you good day. And leave you with something I try to remind myself, "Life throws you curve balls...catch them and throw them back".
If anyone needs to discuss their past and ways of moving forward, feel free to message me on Facebook, or email me at tpeters745@hotmail.com with the subject "Life Blog Post".

Hitfar Trip to Vancouver

Thank you Hitfar for sending my wife and I to Vancouver, BC for a few days! Had a blast hanging out with Glenn and Troy. The tour of your facility was really interesting. The little Italian restaurant, Cotto Enoteca Pizzeria was a wonderful place to eat lunch. Glenn was then kind enough to drive my wife and I around Vancouver and show us some spots we may want to check out in Stanley Park. As the week progresses and I have time, I will post up photos of the trip as a highlight. I will also put a bunch on my Facebook group, Tony Alexander Photography.

Cardero's Restaurant Review

Cardero's Restaurant Vancouver, BC

Located on the southern end of Stanley Park, this fish joint was a pleasant place to eat. The menu had a decent variety of food. The atmosphere was very busy and loud, only because there are so many people in the restaurant and out on the patio. We had to wait to be seated, which is usually a good sign, though it was not an overly long wait. The decor was comprised of a bunch of fun and intriguing items, all with local ties, to look at. The waiter was attentive and saw to all of our needs in a prompt and timely manner. As far as the most important factor, the food, we have mixed opinions on this. The steak that my wife ate, though perfectly cooked, had a huge chunk of gristle running down the center, making it really hard to eat. For the money paid for it, I would have expected better. My food, on the other hand, was quite delicious. I had a Miso-Sake Sablefish. The grill was perfectly charred on both the skin side and the flesh side, and the seasoning/marinade was packed full of flavor. When you cut into the meat, it oozed juices and was very tender. Probably the best fish I have ever eaten. I guess when visiting this fish restaurant, eat the fish and you will leave quite happy. I would eat here again, and confidently recommend it. 

Graffiti In Motion Now Available!

Graffiti In Motion Book will be available on Amazon, blurb.com within a week and will be in the Apple e-book store soon!  http://www.blurb.ca/books/8750488-graffiti-in-motion 

Hunting Black Dragon In the Works

Still working on my graffiti book, awaiting my proof copy, which will await my final touches before being released to the public. Meanwhile I am also working on the last edit of my sequel to Kids On A Case: The Case of the Ten Grand Kidnapping. Hunting Black Dragon has been in the works for quite some time but I am finally trying to prep it for self-publish. Above is a sample of my concept for my book cover. Hope you all like it. Excited about both projects. Also now on twitter and Instagram

Twitter: Tony A Peters@TonyAPe35985133

Instagram:authortonypeters

Fire and Sword by Simon Scarrow Review

Fire and Sword by Simon Scarrow 4 Stars

This is the third installment in the Napoleon-Wellington quartet. Napoleon is set on another war with countries in Europe. He continues to win and take over more of Europe. The countries allying against him can't seem to coordinate attacks together, helping Napoleon to defeat them one at a time. Meanwhile Wellesley continues his push for fame, making a name for himself as a general with strategic skills.

I was certainly more intrigued by this book. A better, more action-packed book in this series. Napoleon's arrogance is growing and you can see just why he ends up being exiled. I love that we see so much of the characteristics of these two generals. We see their fates twisting around each other, until they are bound to meet in the final installment. Scarrow brings in hints as to other world events that shape their lives, without making it a long and boring addition. Plot and characters continue to be strong driving points in Scarrow's novels, as well as his historical research that he brings into his novels. Overall I would recommend this novel for those who love history.

The Generals By Simon Scarrow Book Review

The Generals: Wellington and Napoleon Quartet Book 2 3.25 Stars

In the second installment of this quartet, we see Napoleon rise in power and reputation in France, as well as Arthur Wellesley become a General himself and rise in his reputation in Britain. Napoleon works on bringing Egypt and Italy under French rule, before fighting to establish peace in France again. Wellesley does the same in India, rising to power, before he returns to Britain.

I still find it tough going back and forth between these 2 story lines. I know at some point they will meet, but just when you get into a story, it moves back to the other character. I am really loving the history and obvious research that went into creating this series. I also love how deep the characters are. They jump off every page and ping little bits of memory from things I already know. The plot is great, although he can't really deviate too far, as history has set out his plot for him already. Overall I will finish this series, but for me it is in the one time read category, not a keeper, but good enough to read once.